So, in case you weren’t already clued in, John Hamm is leaving me.
Just for the weekend, so I guess I shouldn’t panic, but it is of course on a weekend when I want nothing more than to hang out with my bestbian (thank you Kristen Schaal for giving us the gift of that term.).
So, normally on a weekend when John Hamm and I would look like this:
We bes fraaans, tho.
Now I will be spending my weekend looking like this:
Cue depressing melodic music here…
So, now I need awesome plans for one person this weekend. Lazer Tag? Too weird to do alone at my age. Or at any age, really. I mean, who wants to be that little kid who shows up for Lazer Tag alone? All the employees would be asking where your mommy is and then they’d wonder how you got here, or maybe if you showed up to the wrong place for your friend’s birthday party, when really all you want is to shoot some fracking Lazers!!
See? I don’t do well on my own…
On a separate note, this is the conversation I literally just had with John Hamm while I was writing this (she’s at the airport):
Me: We are pandas.
John Hamm: Is looking like a homeless person en vogue these days? I feel like there are a lot of homeless looking people here… Wait, what?
Me: You heard me.
John Hamm: No, I heard you, but that doesn’t preclude the possibility that you’re making no sense.
Me: Well, I was looking for bff pictures to display how happy we are together and how sad I am now that you’ve abandoned me, and I found pandas. So, we are pandas.
John Hamm: You are a sad panda.
Me: It’s true.
John Hamm: You’d think I’d have to fly in storage… God, I hope they don’t notice I’m a giant bear…
Me: Best. Image. Ever.
John Hamm: So awkward.
Me: I’m just picturing a giant panda bear standing in line to board his flight, looking all bored and stuff, reading a book and holding his ticket, like he totally belongs.
John Hamm: We need to get our artist friends on this.
Me: Agreed.
And that was the last conversation I had with her before she got on her plane. And now my weekend is officially sad.
I may have abandonment issues.